Wine and Critics

I have a very primitive relationship with wine. I know what tastes good to me, and what tastes atrocious as sin. Example: the wine with the penguin on the label does not taste nearly so cute as the label suggests. I call that false advertising.

Sometimes I get nervous at classy functions, so I swirl my glass delicately and throw out words like, "tannins" or "bouquet." I've learned not to be too praising of wines either. A good wine critic always finds something wrong with it, so you must give vague and mixed feedback. For instance, "My, they utilized some lovely tannins for this Syrah, but it has a bouquet like the plumage of a wild sage brush." A good host will know what you really mean and take it as a polite compliment.

Pictured here is one of my favorite wines: the Broadbent Vinho Verde (aka, green wine). It has a blossoming citrus/floral bouquet but a disappointingly immature aftertaste that will keep you wondering why they didn't use better tannins. In other words, it tastes more like summer than a Corona with lime, it's an awesome green color, there's a pretty flower on the label and it's very affordable. In vino, veritas...